A Different Outlook to the Person with "No Drive"
**Disclaimer: Originally I had another blog topic in mind, but I did not have the heart nor the motivation to write about it. This topic came to me last afternoon after a deep conversation with someone close. If you are reading this, thank you for your enlightenment and I hope you succeed in your dreams.**
Happy January, aka the harsh reality of going back to school and its freezing cold. After rehearsing my lines for the holiday play, "What are you doing with our life?" for my private audience, aka my family, I can let out a huge sigh and go back to my study cave. Yeah, my holiday performance is overly rehearsed and there may be some slight bullshit in my answer, but overall there is still a drive behind my answer. However, after performing my matinee for Grandma and then the same evening performance to my judge-y pretentious relative, I glance in the corner of my eye and notice the one family member who appears to have not practiced their lines since September. That one member just shrugs its shoulders and responds to the same question I answered literally 20 minutes ago with "I don't know". A similar response I heard earlier is "I'm still figuring it out", "I'll know when it hits me".
I stand there infuriated because I worked hard to where I am today and I'm deemed uptight, too serious when this one just rides the waves of life. Are you kidding me?! If I was his age, my parents would have berated me in the corner until I made up what I wanted to do. Although my parents were tiger parents, it got me to where I am today.
The apathetic person thinks he got away with his calm and cool answer, but then that same relative will slither up to me and whisper "X person has no drive. We need to hire a life coach". Or, always a fun response is "I think you need to talk to him. Give him some motivation", like I'm sort of Dr. Phil.
Now as the reader, you may ask, "Paxton, why do you care?" I experienced this phenomenon too much in my life witnessing friends, ex-boyfriends/lovers, other family members who are apathetic. It is not sexy nor is it fun to be surrounded by that person. Often, this person's apathy turns to criticizing what I'm doing while they are literally not contributing to society at all.
Last afternoon, I sat down with this person and explained what family members were telling me. I elaborated on how family members were concerned and people wanted to hire life coaches for him. This did not make him feel any better, he only mumbled in frustration that it was none of their business. What he said was very true, it is a matter of fact, nobody's business. However, how come we get so caught up in asking people what they want to do? Is it because of the fear of fitting into that certain mold our family expects? If we step out, will our family ostracize us like they do to that one cousin we do not speak of?
After him making that remarkable claim, it got me off the mindset of forcing him to figure out right on the spot what he wanted to do with life. Inspired by my recent reading by Jen Sincero's novel, "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life", I asked him what would make his life complete? This lets him respond however he wanted whether it was about family, career, love, etc. etc. For him, he wanted to live a fun life and not be boring. Trust me, I needed him to elaborate because that was the vaguest response I have ever heard. On the other hand, that leads to a conversation about his favorite video games, tennis lessons, and his positive attributes. Eventually, this leads to what he truly desired to do. It made him think about his favorite memories, activities and character attributes and how he can enforce it in the real world. I've never seen anyone so excited about the future before.
The most shocking moment out this conversation is no one had the conversation with him about what made him happy. How come people want to immediately ask what is a kid doing with their life, but not bother to break down what made them happy? Are we too quick to judge other's aspirations before they can explain their dreams? Or what about the ones with "no drive"? Are we too quick to push them aside because no one bothered to converse with them about why they haven't made a decision?
From the enlightening conversation, I learned that there is no such thing as someone with legit "no drive". Certainly, people may not be able at the drop of the hat explain their five-year plan, but every person at the back of their mind has that dream they aspire. For some, it's raising a family while for others they want to live a "not boring" life. Next time when you see that one family member shrugs its shoulders during the holiday play, go up to the person and actually get to know them. Probably that person is waiting to share his/her genius idea without the judgmental comments from that pretentious relative. As for the judge-y relative who suggests a life coach for that one family member, finish your drink and walk away.
I hope you enjoyed my little story time. Come back for other posts on studying, lifestyle, and San Francisco. If reading is not your thing, I just created a YouTube channel featuring my bedroom. Happy winter term and don't let the January blues hit you too soon.